Without Shame
by Mezmered
Summary: For so long, Jak waited in silence, hoping to get up the courage to finally tell Torn of what he thought about him. His love for torn came with the emotional turmoil and distress that's usually present, when in a society that doesn't understand. How would it feel to be in constant fear, just for being with the one you love and being who you are? (Yaoi, Jak X Torn. Jak 2)
1. I Promise

_**Hey everyone! Jak and Torn is by far my favorite pairing in the franchise, so I'm gonna have a ton of fun doing this one.  
Cheers fellas! And remember, please review! Three reviews means I'll start on the next chapter immediately!**_

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That elf. I could never tell with him. The always cold and disconnected look on his face, the way he'd give us bad news the same way he'd give us good news, and the way he treated us. I never knew with him. That first moment, when I met him, I felt some sort of attraction to him. When we locked eyes for the first time, he looked at me as if I was just another civilian in the city of Haven- and I loved that the most. He never treated me any different than anyone else. He didn't treat me like I was some hero in the fight against Praxis, or the only hope against the Metal Heads; he treated me like I was just anyone else, and I appreciated that the most.

In recent times, its been hard to stay around him. I want him to know the way I feel about him, and deep down it kills me to know he'll never feel the same way about me. He'll never look at me the way he looks at Ashelin. He'll never smile at me, hug me, kiss me, or hold me. I've never felt the same way about anyone else. I promise.

"Jak, what the hell are you standing around for! Get back in the armory, and put back all the ammunition your stupid ottsel spilled all over the floor!" Torn yelled, waking me up from my thoughts. He nudged my shoulder, making me fall, as I wasn't expecting it. I landed with a thud, and stood up quickly, and pushed Torn back.

"I'm not a fucking kid! Don't treat me like one!" I yelled back, pushing Torn a little harder. I surprised himself a little with the outburst. All my thoughts about Torn in the recent events made me tense and on edge continuously

"I'm your commander, and you'll do as I say." He grabbed my collar, and pulled me closer to him. I quietly whimpered at his rough touch, and was surprised at how close he brought me to him. I could feel his hot breath, and it felt so good to finally be close to him for once, even if it was like this.

"Now, get to work." He said again, pushing me to the side as he walked away. I looked at him walk away, and quietly sighed. He'd never feel the way I feel towards him. Never.

With that, I slumped my head down and walked back to where Daxter made his mess. There were bullets and magazines all over the floor of our tiny makeshift armory, which was more like a storage closet. It took me a while, but I finally did it. I organized the bullets, magazines and cartridges in boxes and set them aside.

I slumped onto the floor, and buried my face in my hands, tired, and stressed out from all that happened. Torn walked by, though, but I didn't notice him. He kicked my shoe as he walked passed me, and snickered to himself. "Watch it, pretty boy." he said, obviously pleased with himself.

Filled with pent up emotions, annoyance and rage, I got up, and pushed him against a wall. I pinned his wrists back, and began yelling at him. His look of utter surprise didn't stop me from what I was about to say. "I get that I'm an outsider, but for once, try to understand that I'm a fucking person too! Why are you acting like this towards me lately?" I was surprised again at myself, but continued to hold the taller man against the stone wall. He, however, was much stronger than me, and pinned me against the wall opposite to us.

Torn put his hand on my throat. "Do you not realize the stress I'm under! We're not one step closer to killing Praxis, and the Metal Heads are still out there! And you, you're doing shit for us!" I whimpered slightly at his tone, as I'd never heard Torn yell at me in this capacity.

"What do you mean! I'm the one who always volunteers, I'm the one who fixes up other people's fuck ups! You don't even notice I'm here half the time, do you? I'm just another expendable mercenary for your own gain!" I struggled against his grip, but it was no use- he was stronger and taller than me. I felt like if he squeezed my wrists any harder, he was gonna break them. The look of anger and frustration on my face turned into one of fear and submission, as I realized I wasn't winning this one.

He slowly let up on me, and finally let me go. I rubbed my hands and wrists when I go ahold of them again, and looked at Torn. He looked at me once, and mumbled something, I can't remember what. He walked away, his footsteps sounding throughout the base. I could tell he went to the roof.

Thinking I was alone, I began to cry quietly, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I hadn't cried in so long. I slid down the wall, and sat down in the same place Torn held me against. 'Why does he hate me so much?' I thought, my sobbing growing increasingly louder. I didn't realize that Tess was there, and that she'd heard the whole thing.

"It's not you, you know." she said softly, sitting down next to me. She put her arm around me, seeing as I was crying.

"I'm fine, I don't care about him." I said, trying to reassure myself of it.

"Well, those tears tell me otherwise." She pulled my hands down from my face, and saw how red my cheeks were. "You're really upset about this Jak. Since when did you ever care about Torn?" she asked, sounding genuine

"It's nothing. He's just never screamed at me like that before." I stood up, and looked back at Tess. "Tess, thanks." She silently nodded at me, as I walked upstairs, retracing Torn's footsteps. He'd only go to the roof when he was upset or needed time to think. Whatever the case may be, I needed to talk to him. When I arrived on the roof after a few minutes, I saw him dangling his legs off the roof, sitting on the edge. I quietly crept up to him, and sat next to him.

I hugged my knees close to me, and looked at the tattooed elf.

"Torn?" I asked, silently

"What." he said blankly

"I have something to tell you."

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 _ **CLIFFHANGER! I'm sorry about that, I just thought it was a good way to end. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading! Cheers!  
Don't forget to review! Remember, three reviews and I'll prioritize making Chapter 2 ASAP!**_


	2. Even

_**Hey everyone! Here's chapter two, hope you enjoy! I want to thank my reviewers, I really do love reviews, and I appreciate the time you guys took to tell me what you thought.  
Enjoy!  
**_

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I looked over to Torn, contemplating what I was doing. What would the consequences be? What if I made a fool of myself, and he cast me out? Everything was running through my mind, as I stared at Torn.

"Torn..." I said quietly, almost a whisper. My knees were still hugged ever so tightly to my chest, and I could feel my heart pounding. I kept looking at him, but he seemed disinterested in me. The tattooed elf just kept looking out at Haven City, with a disconnected look in his eyes.

"Spit it out kid, what are you bothering me for?" he said suddenly. I opened my mouth to speak, before I immediately changed my mind, and stood up. "It's nothing." I muttered to myself, and slowly walked back to where I came from. I suddenly felt a hand grab my arm, and turned around to Torn.

I looked up at him, and I was incredibly confused. His grip wasn't rough or as painful as earlier when we were fighting- he was gentle, and he almost looked contrite.

"Kid, I shouldn't have yelled at you back there, and it wasn't your fault that-" His voice kept trailing off, not being able to say what he wanted to say. "Jak, I'm just trying to say I'm sorry." he kept looking at me, and pulled himself closer to me.

I turned away quickly, my face quickly turning red. "Torn... what're you doing?" I asked.

"I got something to tell you too Jak." he whispered quietly, lifting my chin with his slender finger. I looked up into his eyes for a few moments, until I realized our faces were getting closer. I had no idea what was going on, and why he changed so quickly, but I didn't care.

Just as our lips were a few inches away from each other, I pushed him away from me.

"You're just toying with me. Two seconds ago, you were treating me like a piece of shit." I started becoming angrier, looking up at him. Torn had a disconcerting look in his eyes, caught off guard from my outrage at him.

"Jak-" I cut him off, my voice becoming slightly louder. "You think you can fool me? I'm not falling for your games Torn. You've never liked me, what would make you change now?" he almost looked annoyed, and grabbed my shoulders, his firm grip hurting slightly.

"Jak, listen to me!" he shook me, and I tried to get free, but I couldn't. It scared me that Torn was this much stronger than me. "I'm sorry! I, I never meant to hurt you. I just-"

"You just what?" I spat back, not entirely believing him. He squeezed my shoulders tighter, which made me even more frustrated. I got my right arm free, clenched my fist, and hit him on his mouth. He stumbled back, catching himself on a wooden crate. I looked at my hands, not believing what I just did. I opened my mouth to try and speak.

Before I could get a word out, he wiped some blood from his lip, and hit me back. My jaw rattled, and I held my cheek, feeling around for any missing teeth. I fell back, landing on my head. It hurt so fucking bad.

"You never fucking listen, do you?" Torn yelled, standing over me. "You think I want to hurt you? You think I want this!"

I was too upset and filled with emotions to know what I was doing. I kicked his leg out from under him, causing him to fall back. I jumped on top of him, and straddled him, putting my hand on his throat. I raised a fist in the air, before Torn punched me at the side of my head. I fell over, and this time, he got on top of me. His face, now bleeding more heavily than before, loomed over me.

Blood from his lip dripped down onto my cheeks. He lifted his arm in the air, and I closed my eyes, whimpering. Just then, I heard Sig swing the rooftop door open. He dropped his peacemaker, and tackled Torn off of me. Torn struggled against his grip, but it was no use. Sig held onto him tightly, not letting up.

"Sig, its fine! Let go of him!" I pleaded, not enjoying seeing Torn like that, even though we had just beaten the shit out of each other. Sig grunted, and dropped Torn. Torn landed on his palms, looking at the ground, spitting out some blood.

"When will you two ever learn to behave?" He asked, eyeing the two of us. "Its like living with a couple of kids lately. Get downstairs, we have a mission briefing to do. And before that, clean yourselves up. You're a mess." Sig sounded incredibly frustrated. I understood his demeanor, as we were under-staffed at the moment, with almost everyone out on missions. It was a stressful time for everyone in the underground at the time.

Sig picked his large weapon where he dropped it, and headed back downstairs. I stood up, and walked over to Torn, filled with trepidation. He just sat, and stared at the ground. I sat next to him, and put an arm around him.

"What the fuck are we doing Torn?" I asked, looking over to him. He looked back at me after some time, and answered.

"I got no clue." He looked at the ground again, and back at me.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper back there Jak." Torn said quietly. There was surprisingly still blood dripping from his lip onto the ground. I pulled out an almost clean rag and handed it to him.

"Thanks." Torn wiped his mouth and face with it, and handed it back to me. "That looks nice." he spoke calmly, looking at the sunrise. I was surprised to hear Torn say something nice about anything for once.

"Yeah, it does." I rested my head on his shoulder, and I was surprised to feel his hand grab mine. We gently entwined our fingers, as we looked at the almost crimson dawn together.

"Torn, does this make us even?"

"I think so."

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 _ **Anyway, thanks for reading! I'm gonna try and write new chapters on a minimum of Mondays and Thursdays. Remember, reviews are always appreciated! I also take any and almost all requests for one shots.  
Cheers guys! ~**_


	3. I'm Sorry

**_Chapter three is here! I want to thank my beautiful readers and reviewers. Without you guys, I wouldn't be writing. Also, I'm terribly sorry about how short chapter one and two were! I'm gonna keep em longer from now on._**

 ** _Cheers! Also, tell me whether or not you want me to write in first or third person._**

We'd been fighting our feelings for each other for only a few weeks- but it felt like an eternity. We hadn't even kissed, but that one time we spent together on the rooftop stuck with me. We tried never to be left alone together, afraid of what would happen. We knew that it would've been bad to do anything more than the occasional hug. Torn told me what they thought about people like 'us' out there, and I believed him.

I woke up from a bad dream, gasping for air. I was covered in sweat, and my bare chest was covered in scratch marks. I had problems with sleeping and nightmares- I'd usually hurt myself on accident while sleeping. Torn must have heard me, as he came in my room, looking worried.

"You okay Jak?" He asked, walking over to me, and sitting at the foot of my bed.

"Mhm... why are you up Torn?" I rubbed my eyes, still incredibly tired. I looked out the window, and it was still dark out. I propped up a thin pillow up against the wall next to my bed and leaned against it.

"Can't sleep." He rubbed the back of his neck, then looked over to me. "Want me to stay?" He asked suddenly. I was surprised- he was never one to show affection like this. I was always the one wanting attention from him.

"I'll be okay Torn." I said, reluctantly. I wanted him to say, but I didn't want him getting in trouble.

"Alright, see you tomorrow." He whispered, sounding dissapointed. He stood up, and walked passed me to my door. Before he could go, I grabbed his hand suddenly, not wanting him to go.

"Stay?" I asked, looking up at him. He smiled, and kicked off his shoes. He took off his jacket and shirt, until he was left with just his pants. He locked my door, then neatly placed his uniform on my chair. He crawled into bed next to me, and put his muscular arm around my torso. I held onto his arm, and sighed happily.

"What if we get caught?" I whispered

"We'll be okay... I promise Jak." He nuzzled his neck into mine, and I giggled slightly.

"Stop that, it tickles." I laughed a little, turning over and nuzzling him back. He started laughing as well, and before we knew it, he rolled over on top of me. He had his hands entwined with mine. My hands were held to my bed by his, and my heart started beating a mile a minute. He grinned, and lowered his head to mine. I closed my eyes, and wrapped my arms around his smooth back. I felt Torn's lips press on mine for the first time, and I quietly moaned. His lips felt like I always imagined them- soft, and gentle.

I felt his tongue poking the entrance to my mouth as I opened for him, allowing him entrance. He explored my mouth with his tongue, as I let him take control. Our hips rubbed together, as he closed off the space between us, deepening the kiss. He soon left my mouth, and I whined in protest. I felt him move down, and kiss and nip at my exposed neck. I wrapped my legs around his back, and extended my neck fully, giving him full access.

"You're good at that..." I whispered, pushing my neck against his teeth. He moved from my neck down to my chest, and lightly kissed the scratch marks littered across my torso. I ran my fingers through his dark hair, bucking my hips slightly upwards. He bit down suddenly, which made me quietly yelp.

"Sorry." He moved up to my mouth, and we began to kiss again. I felt him sliding his pants off, and I suddenly got nervous.

"What're you doing?" I asked suddenly, still holding on to him

"I'll be gentle, I promise." He said, pushing his soft lips on mine.

"But-" Torn cut me off before I could finish

"You can trust me Jak, you know that." He said, looking down at me. After a few seconds, I nodded, and slid off my pants as well, throwing them across the room. I knew I could trust Torn. It'd be okay.

I woke up the next morning, being spooned by Torn. My rear was hurting a bit, but I didn't care. I noticed how early it was, and that no one else was getting up for at least an hour or two. I was always up first, as I never really slept very well. I felt Torn's warm breath on my neck, and I smiled in comfort. I slowly maneuvered out of his arms, and flipped over, so I could be facing him. I watched him sleep for some time that morning. It was creepy, yes- but I couldn't bear to wake that beautiful tattooed elf. I began stroking his cheek with one of my fingers, until I felt him twitch. He began twitching and moving around more and more, until it looked like they were turning into convulsions. He let out some noises, and I assumed he was having a nightmare.

"Torn, Torn, its okay." I whispered, trying to comfort him. He wouldn't stop, so I put my arms around him and brought him closer to me. This only made everything worse, as he pinned me to my bed by my throat, still dreaming.

"Torn- Its Jak, remember?" I said, gasping for air. I was trying to push his arms off of me, but it wasn't doing anything. He pressed on my throat a little tighter, and when I thought he was about to kill me, I felt him go limp on top of my torso.

"Torn?" I asked, after getting some air. I didn't hear any words from him- I could only hear him sobbing into my shoulder. I think I heard him say, "I'm sorry." at some point between his crying.

"Its okay, I'm here." I wrapped my arms around his back and held him close to me, kissing his cheek, trying to comfort him. I never saw him cry before, I was caught slightly off guard by it.

"I'm sorry." He kept muttering, over and over, tears flowing freely down his tattooed face. I lifted his head off of my chest, to get a good look at him. His face was red, and he looked like he just got chewed up.

"Where'd that come from?" I asked, petting his reddish-brown hair. He seemed to like it when I did that.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Torn wiped his face, and got up from my bed quickly. I crossed my legs while looking at him change.

"Why're you leaving so early? You never usually go out till mid-day." I said, pouting a bit.

Torn threw on his long black shirt and pants that were laid on my chair. He sat down on the cold stone floor, and pulled his boots on over his bare feet.

"Meet me in Haven Forest in two hours. I'll find you, you won't have to worry about getting lost." Torn walked over to me, gave me one last kiss, and held my cheek with one hand, looking at me for a few seconds.

"I'm fucking crazy for you kid." He smiled, and quietly opened my window. He jumped out, and I heard him land with a thud. I chuckled out how clumsy he was, and closed my window back. Standing from my bed, I noticed a few hickeys on my neck, and sighed silently. I put on my pants and a tank top, and headed out of my room in my bare feet. I was met by Tess again, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Morning Jak." She said, taking a sip of her coffee. She was the only one that awoke as early as I did.

"Hey." I tried to keep my words and sentences as short as possible, to eliminate all chances of me slipping up. As I was about to walk out, she stepped in front of me.

"What's that?" She asked, touching the bruises on my neck. I began to panic, and couldn't think of any excuses.

I pushed her hand away, quickly becoming uncomfortable. "Its nothing Tess, I just scratched myself during the night. Before she could say anything else, I left our hideout, and ran out into the alleyway. It was a cool morning. No one was on the street, not even Krimson guards, meaning I could take a quick walk, without being noticed. I decided against walking through the streets. I climbed up a drain pipe to the neighboring building, and ran across a few rooftops, look at the bleak city. It was just simply shades of grey, white, and brown. Hadn't these people ever heard of paint?

I found a flat enough roof top, and sat at the edge of it, dangling my legs off the side of the building. I took a deep breath, and for a minute, imagined being back home in Sandover. My thoughts were quickly interrupted, as I heard a mob of people chasing on small-framed elf. Not knowing what the situation was, I pulled my legs off and stuck my head out from the roof of the rickety house I was on top of. I could hear them yelling, but I couldn't make out any individual words out. The elf tripped, and crawled up against the side of the building I was on top of. I thought about interfering, but I couldn't- it would've been useless. They could have just killed me too.

"I didn't do anything to you fucking people! Just leave me alone!" I heard the young elf scream. At this point, I made myself completely hidden. I could hear him trying to claw his way up the building, but it was no use. Now that they were closer, I could make out some of the phrases and degradation they were yelling at him.

"You faggot! We told you to stay out of Haven!" One yelled, sounding like an old man. Everyone chimed in, throwing insults his way. I started crying quietly into my sleeve, trying to muffle the sound. The mob began to beat on him, all at once it sounded like. It lasted for a few minutes, and I kept sobbing into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. It killed me that I couldn't do anything to help him. After the mob was done battering and whipping the boy, they were gone as if nothing happened. These monsters just went back to their daily lives. I looked over slowly, and saw they were mostly gone. I scaled down the building, and quickly pulled him into an alleyway nearby. I rested him against a wall, and took off my tank top. I wiped off his bloody face with it, and tried to see if he was still alive. Pressing my hand to his neck, I could feel a faint heartbeat. I brought my head back to get a better look at him. His light skin was covered in scars, from his face down to his arms and torso. I pushed back his long, brownish, almost dirty blonde hair, to get a better look at his soft complexion. He couldn't of been older than seventeen.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." I wiped the rest of the blood of his face, and tossed my tank top in a dumpster. "Come on, don't die on me." I said softly, hoping he'd make it. Resting my hand on his cheek, I saw his eyes slowly flutter open. His right eye was hazel, and his left eye green.

He quickly winced when he came to, obviously in a tremendous amount of pain. "Who are you?" He asked, rubbing his head. I quickly moved my hand away from his face, and sat down across from him.

"My name's Jak, you were just beat on by a mob of people. I took you in this alleyway. I thought they killed you." I wiped the sweat from my forehead, before eyeing him up and down. He looked slender and fragile- he couldn't of hurt anyone.

"Need somewhere to stay?" I asked, seeing as how he probably didn't have anywhere to go. He thought for a few seconds, before speaking again.

"How do I know you aren't like the rest of them?" He rubbed his bruised eyes with his bloodied hands, leaving some more blood on his face.

I hesitated for a moment. "Because, I'm like you." I looked at him, giving him a sort of half smile. "I know what it feels like to be misunderstood."

"You seem... okay. Where would you have me stay? I can't go home, I might as well leave Haven." He tried standing up, but collapsed onto the ground again. I moved over again to him, leaning his back against a stone wall.

"Don't worry about it. What's your name?" I eyed him up and down, looking at him for cuts and bruises

"Jamie." He said, wincing a bit. "I didn't choose it."

"No, I like it. I'm Jak."

"Thanks for helping me Jak."

"Yeah, no problem."


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